Physical Training

You have got to be shitting me! I'm sitting here opening the attachments of the email that they sent me and it just seems to be getting worse and worse. First attach...welcome to the blah blah blah, second attachment, please find below your physical training schedule...comes in 2 parts. Category I for beginners and then Category II.

I thought I'm pretty fit, I won't bother with the beginner bit and will head straight to Category II (Category 2 for those of you that haven't got with the program yet...it's so much quicker than typing programme!)

Had a look at Category I. Pretty much shit my pants (which means I've lost at least a pound already).

Have a look for yourself (I'll post Category II another time after I've gotten over the shock of having to do Category I):

Workout for Category I (Beginner - don't be fooled by the term 'beginner', I was and then had to have a sit down after I read the workout)

The goal of Category I is to work up to 16 miles per week of running. Then, and only then, should you continue on to the Category II exercise (not sure if I'll be moving to Category II lol).

Category I is a nine week build-up program (a build-up program...to what a fucking heart attack?).

Running Schedule - Level I

WEEKS #1, 2: 2 miles/day, 8:30 pace, M/W/F (6 miles/ week)

WEEK #3: No running. High risk of stress fractures. (something to look forward to in week 3 then, if the running doesn't kill me then my bones will be so stressed they'll break)

WEEK #4: 3 miles/day, M/W/F (9 miles/wk)

WEEKS #5, 6: 2/3/4/2 miles, M/Tu/Th/F (11 miles/wk)

WEEKS #7,8: 4/4/5/3 miles, M/Tu/Th/F (16 miles/ wk)

WEEK #9: same as #7,8 (16 miles/ wk)

Physical Training(PT) Schedule - Level I (Mon/Wed/Fri) Sets and Repetitions

WEEK #1: 4X15 PUSHUPS, 4X20 SITUPS, 3X3 PULL UPS

WEEK #2: 5X20 PUSHUPS, 5X20 SITUPS, 3X3 PULL UPS

WEEK #3,4: 5X25 PUSHUPS, 5X25 SITUPS, 3X4 PULL UPS

WEEK #5,6: 6X25 PUSHUPS, 6X25 SITUPS, 2X8 PULL UPS

WEEK #7,8: 6X30 PUSHUPS, 6X30 SITUPS, 2X10 PULL UPS

WEEK #9: 6X30 PUSHUPS, 6X30 SITUPS, 3X10 PULL UPS

* Note: For best results, alternate exercises. Do a set of pushups, then a set of situps, followed by a set of pull ups, immediately with no rest. (For best results? no rest? what have I let myself in for?)

Swimming schedule - Level I (sidestroke with no fins 4-5 days a week) (I'm not sure why I have to practise the swimming. We should land using the shuttle and if we do crash land in water I'll need to swim for a lot longer than an hour to reach dry land. Does it not come with a lifeboat?)

WEEKS #1, 2: Swim continuously for 15 min.

WEEKS #3, 4: Swim continuously for 20 min.

WEEKS #5, 6: Swim continuously for 25 min.

WEEKS #7, 8: Swim continuously for 30 min.

WEEK #9: Swim continuously for 35 min.

* Note: If you have no access to a pool, ride a bicycle for twice as long as you would swim. If you do have access to a pool, swim every day available. Four to five days a week and 200 meters in one session is your initial workup goal. Also, you want to develop your sidestroke on both the left and the right side. Try to swim 50 meters in one minute or less.

Let us bow our heads and pray: Dear Lord, please protect this foolish man as he attempts the above and Lord please forewarn St Peter that he may come a knocking after week 4. Cheers God. AMEN.