What is it with black people and fried chicken?

Is it a stereotype to say that ALL black people like fried chicken? Yes, probably. But it must have come from somewhere. Yes, a few stupid Irish people came to England, not all French people are hairy and smelly and lazy, Germans don't all want to start wars.

But where did this fascination with 'Fried Chicken' start?

It definitely wasn't Africa.

Have you been to Africa? I have.

Have you seen Africa on the National Geographic Channel where they follow a tribe?

They go on the hunt:

"Eh, eh, what you catch?"

"Ah chicken!"

"What da fuck? where is the zebra? the elephant? the monkey? a fuckin chicken? ah cant believe it!"

You don't see any self respecting tribesman coming home from a hunt thinking:

"Hmmm hmmm hmmm, am gonna have some fried chicken."

All the chickens I saw in Kampala were free range. People didn't feed them. They ate off the rubbish tips. They ate plastic!

I see fried chicken as a conspiracy.

It's the "white man's" way of making black people FAT and KILLING them.

Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC) - southern states;
Dixie Fried Chicken (DFC) - southern states;
Tennessee Fried Chicken (TFC) - southern states.

Fuck you might as well be eating KKKFC! (Klu Klux Klan Fried Chicken). You don't see New York Fried Chicken or Chicago Fried Chicken. It's all the old confederate states.

Damn Dixie Fried Chicken has the confederate flag on it's advertising!

"Those Yankee abolitionist bastards got us goood pop, wot we go do?"

"Fried chicken son. We is gonna make them fat and giv them heart disease with fried chicken!"

Look at Colonel Sanders. You can't get more white than that. The motherfucker's hair is white, he's got a white moustache, a white suit and white shoes...only thing he ain't wearing is his white pointy hat!

Enough of the conspiracy theories.

Did you know that in the US more black males and females die from heart disease than any other group?

The American Heart Association (http://www.americanheart.org/presenter.jhtml?identifier=4478) statistics showed that in 2005:

Final death rates from Cardio Vascular Disease per 100,000 people were 324.7 for white males and 438.4 for black males; for white females 230.4 and for black females 319.7.

Ain't so finger lickin good now is it?

Physical Training

You have got to be shitting me! I'm sitting here opening the attachments of the email that they sent me and it just seems to be getting worse and worse. First attach...welcome to the blah blah blah, second attachment, please find below your physical training schedule...comes in 2 parts. Category I for beginners and then Category II.

I thought I'm pretty fit, I won't bother with the beginner bit and will head straight to Category II (Category 2 for those of you that haven't got with the program yet...it's so much quicker than typing programme!)

Had a look at Category I. Pretty much shit my pants (which means I've lost at least a pound already).

Have a look for yourself (I'll post Category II another time after I've gotten over the shock of having to do Category I):

Workout for Category I (Beginner - don't be fooled by the term 'beginner', I was and then had to have a sit down after I read the workout)

The goal of Category I is to work up to 16 miles per week of running. Then, and only then, should you continue on to the Category II exercise (not sure if I'll be moving to Category II lol).

Category I is a nine week build-up program (a build-up program...to what a fucking heart attack?).

Running Schedule - Level I

WEEKS #1, 2: 2 miles/day, 8:30 pace, M/W/F (6 miles/ week)

WEEK #3: No running. High risk of stress fractures. (something to look forward to in week 3 then, if the running doesn't kill me then my bones will be so stressed they'll break)

WEEK #4: 3 miles/day, M/W/F (9 miles/wk)

WEEKS #5, 6: 2/3/4/2 miles, M/Tu/Th/F (11 miles/wk)

WEEKS #7,8: 4/4/5/3 miles, M/Tu/Th/F (16 miles/ wk)

WEEK #9: same as #7,8 (16 miles/ wk)

Physical Training(PT) Schedule - Level I (Mon/Wed/Fri) Sets and Repetitions

WEEK #1: 4X15 PUSHUPS, 4X20 SITUPS, 3X3 PULL UPS

WEEK #2: 5X20 PUSHUPS, 5X20 SITUPS, 3X3 PULL UPS

WEEK #3,4: 5X25 PUSHUPS, 5X25 SITUPS, 3X4 PULL UPS

WEEK #5,6: 6X25 PUSHUPS, 6X25 SITUPS, 2X8 PULL UPS

WEEK #7,8: 6X30 PUSHUPS, 6X30 SITUPS, 2X10 PULL UPS

WEEK #9: 6X30 PUSHUPS, 6X30 SITUPS, 3X10 PULL UPS

* Note: For best results, alternate exercises. Do a set of pushups, then a set of situps, followed by a set of pull ups, immediately with no rest. (For best results? no rest? what have I let myself in for?)

Swimming schedule - Level I (sidestroke with no fins 4-5 days a week) (I'm not sure why I have to practise the swimming. We should land using the shuttle and if we do crash land in water I'll need to swim for a lot longer than an hour to reach dry land. Does it not come with a lifeboat?)

WEEKS #1, 2: Swim continuously for 15 min.

WEEKS #3, 4: Swim continuously for 20 min.

WEEKS #5, 6: Swim continuously for 25 min.

WEEKS #7, 8: Swim continuously for 30 min.

WEEK #9: Swim continuously for 35 min.

* Note: If you have no access to a pool, ride a bicycle for twice as long as you would swim. If you do have access to a pool, swim every day available. Four to five days a week and 200 meters in one session is your initial workup goal. Also, you want to develop your sidestroke on both the left and the right side. Try to swim 50 meters in one minute or less.

Let us bow our heads and pray: Dear Lord, please protect this foolish man as he attempts the above and Lord please forewarn St Peter that he may come a knocking after week 4. Cheers God. AMEN.

Training schedule

Before we can fly in space, astronauts have to undergo hundreds of hours of training.

This is split into three main sections:

Candidates who have been selected need to pass a one-year course of basic training. The candidates learn about space technology and science, basic medical skills, and how the International Space Station (ISS) works. They also under intense physical fitness training (I’ll be logging my training here on the blog so you can compare me progress to what’s expected – obviously getting knocked off the scooter hasn’t helped) and will become familiar with scuba diving.

After this first part, they go on to another year of advanced training (this takes place in the USA, Russia, Japan, Canada and in Europe). They learn in more detail about the various parts of the ISS, the experiments and the transport vehicles, and the involvement of ground control.

Working as much as possible with the other members of the crew, they learn about the special tasks linked with their mission and they become familiar with weightlessness doing parabolic flights.

Obviously I can't go into too much detail with regards the scientific/technological side of things (National security don't you know) but I will be giving details of the physical training side of things shortly. Apparently, at my current size I wouldn't be able to get inside the actual capsule, nor would I fit into the seat of the module.

How difficult can it be to lose a bit of weight and get fit? I've trained before and a little running, some sit ups and press ups and I'll be sorted.

NASA - training starts now!

This will come as a bit of a shock to a lot of you but I’ve been shortlisted into the NASA Intensive Astronaut Candidate training program.

I applied in 2006 as I was graduating and was contacted in 2007. I had to under go a number of interviews and testing processes in order to be shortlisted but after 2 years I’ve finally been notified. Woo Hoo!

I’m using this blog to keep you all informed and to let you know what it’s like to go through the training and how it feels to be considered for SPACE EXPLORATION!

I’ve copied the press release below with the details of a few of us that have been shortlisted. In total there are 50 candidates.


NASA INTRODUCES THE NEXT GENERATION OF EXPLORERS
www.nasa.gov/pressrelease/intcand041809.html

NASA's 2010 astronaut candidate class was announced today during Space Day activities at the National Air and Space Museum Udvar-Hazy Center in Chantilly, Va.

"These are the candidates who will be selected to lead us through the next steps in the new exploration vision," NASA Administrator Sean O'Keefe said. "The class will be made up of pilots and engineers who will help us develop the next generation vehicle, scientists who will do research to help humans live and travel in space and three new educator astronauts to help ensure a new generation is ready for the challenges of exploration," he said.

The new astronaut candidates:

Mission Specialist-Educator Richard Arnold, 40, of Berlin, Md.; currently lives in Bucharest, Romania; math and science teacher at the American International School of Bucharest; born in Cheverly, Md. and raised in Bowie, Md. Arnold has degrees from Frostburg State University, Md., and the University of Maryland. Arnold has also taught in Morocco, Indonesia, and Saudi Arabia.

Pilot Randolph Bresnik, Major, U.S. Marine Corps, 36, an F/A-18 pilot and experimental test pilot based in San Diego, Calif.; born in Fort Knox, Ky. Bresnik has degrees from The Citadel, S.C., and the University of Tennessee at Knoxville. He is getting married this month in a Scottish castle.

Mission Specialist Christopher Cassidy, Lt. Cmdr., U.S. Navy, 34; Navy SEAL based in Norfolk, Va.; born in Salem, Mass.; raised in York, Maine. He has degrees from the U.S. Naval Academy and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Mass. Cassidy completed two tours of duty in Afghanistan and earned a Bronze Star.

Pilot James Dutton, Major, U.S. Air Force, 35; an F/A-22 test pilot stationed in Edwards, Calif.; born and raised in Eugene, Ore. Dutton has degrees from the U.S. Air Force Academy and the University of Washington. During the 1990s, Dutton flew combat air patrols over northern Iraq.

Mission Specialist Jose Hernandez, 41, of Houston; engineer and branch chief at NASA's Johnson Space Center (JSC); born in French Camp, Calif.; grew up as a migrant farm worker before settling in Stockton, Calif. Hernandez has degrees from the University of the Pacific and the University of California at Santa Barbara. His work at Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory in the 1990s contributed to a new tool for early breast cancer detection.

Mission Specialist-Educator Paul Gallagher, 33, of London, England; primary school teacher at International School Brunei; born in Islington, London. Gallagher has a degree from the University of Middlesex. He is a former volunteer in Uganda setting up soccer outreach programs and has also worked in disadvantaged areas of the UK.

Mission Specialist R. Shane Kimbrough, 36, Major, U.S. Army, of Houston; flight simulation engineer at JSC; born in Killeen, Tex.; considers Atlanta his hometown. Kimbrough has degrees from the U.S. Military Academy (USMA) and the Georgia Institute of Technology. Kimbrough was captain of the baseball team at USMA. He served as a platoon leader in an Apache attack helicopter company during Desert Storm.

(I’ve cut out the rest of the candidates as the list was quite comprehensive.)

"With the new exploration vision, human space flight is really moving into its next era," said NASA Associate Administrator for Space Flight William Readdy. "Members of this class have terrific experience behind them already, and we're thrilled to have their smarts and skills to help us move forward," he said.

"We are especially excited to welcome the introduction of new educator astronauts," said NASA Associate Administrator for Education, Dr. Adena Loston. "They will help inspire a new generation of explorers."

NASA TV will feed video of the astronaut class beginning at noon EDT today. The Video File will include sound bites and b-roll of the class members. NASA TV is available on AMC-9, transponder 9C, C-Band, located at 85 degrees west longitude. The frequency is 3880.0 MHz. Polarization is vertical, and audio is monaural at 6.80 MHz.

Full biographies and still photos of the astronaut candidates will be available at:
http://www.nasa.gov

Immigration body in £8m PR spend

The government agency charged with tackling illegal immigration spent nearly £8 million on public relations last year.

Figures uncovered by the Tories showed the UK Border Agency's budget for publicity and promotion was £7.8 million in the financial year 2008/9 - including £2 million for marketing and £3.3 million for advertising and promotion.

Shadow immigration minister Damian Green said: "In a crisis you can guarantee that New Labour will put spin before substance. So at a time when our borders are open, and confidence in the immigration system is low, what do they do? They spend millions on advertising, and increase the size of what they call the "professional communications community".

A study by the London School of Economics suggests that the number of people living in the UK without permission is much higher than previously thought. The last official estimate of illegal immigration, a Home Office report in 2001, put the figure at 430,000.

Because of the nature of illegal immigration, accurately charting numbers is difficult. The LSE team said the figure lies somewhere between 524,000 and 947,000, with a "midpoint" figure of 725,000.

I’d love to know how LSE worked this out. I know they’re a clever bunch over there. Maybe they have an immigration theory or equation (like the guy from Numb3rs) that they use. Or maybe they count how many people work, as cleaners, in kebab shops, in curry houses, in Chinese restaurants, on building sites etc in a certain area and multiply it by a random number!

If you asked someone to guess how many matches were in a box, or sweets in a jar would you accept “Er, between 1 and 100, with a midpoint of 50”?

They don’t know exactly how many illegal immigrants there are, so why not just say, “Sorry, we don’t know.”

A spokesman for UKBA said: "Publicity campaigns are important means to help the UK Border Agency deter illegal working and smuggling and promote legal compliance by businesses and travellers. We are committed to keeping the public informed.”

What type of advertising do they use?

TV advertising

You can imagine the actors speaking slowly and loudly:

“PLEASE…DON’T…COME…TO…THE…UK…UNLESS…IT’S…FOR…LE..GI..TI…MATE…REASONS!”

Posters

“Please don’t come to the UK unless it’s for legitimate reasons”.

Written in what language? A proportion of the immigrants that are allowed to stay here legally can’t speak or read the language properly. In fact a UN survey found that 1 in 5 adults in the UK are illiterate, that’s nearly 7 million adults (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/811832.stm).

Leafleting

This faces the same problem that posters do with regards to literacy levels.

But quite ironic as it would probably be the illegal immigrants giving out the leaflets as “…no self respecting Englishman is going to give out leaflets!”…especially when he can’t read the leaflet or the road signs to deliver them!

I worked with long term unemployed people in Tottenham, North London. Some of my clients claimed that they could not work more than a mile or two away from their homes as they could not read the road signs to get back!

Why don’t they spend the millions on adverts telling people how shit it is in the UK?

In a list of 183 countries the UK did not do too well:

They are joint 17th in the quality of life index; immigrants have to go through 7 of the countries above the UK in order to actually get there (depending on where they’re coming from obviously!)

The average temperature is 9.7C.

Angling is the most popular participation sport, with 3.3 million regularly taking part.

Life expectancy in the UK is 79.4 years; only 22nd in the list.

There are 4.2 hospital beds per 1,000 people – beaten by Slovakia, Cuba and Belarus.


I'm going to start my own advertising campaign (FREE OF CHARGE)-

It’s cold, boring, you’re not going to live very long and if you do get sick or stabbed you've got more chance of getting a hospital bed in Belarus!

Why choose the UK?

Balls urges less smearing

Ed Balls: Photograph: Martin Argles


http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2009/apr/15/damian-mcbride-email-smears



Yesterday, No 10 said the prime minister was furious with his former political aide Damian McBride for sending an email setting out how leading Conservatives, including David Cameron and the wife of the shadow chancellor, George Osborne, could be smeared.

Downing Street also admitted to "huge frustration" that Brown's agenda of fighting the recession was being overshadowed by the controversy, which has raged for five days.

In my best Scottish accent “Da worlds in a recession. But av got de answer…eets an Agenda!”

Derek Draper, the Labour adviser who was corresponding with McBride over suggestions about how to smear leading Tories, said he was considering quitting his post on the Labourlist website (http://www.labourlist.org/)

Bet he thought no one would see it. It’s a bit like me putting on my blog that I’m gay – Patrick and Aya are the only 2 that will pay any attention. Aya will laugh and Patrick will recollect those early years of his childhood and weep.

Field, a former welfare minister, said the Labour party was staring into the abyss.

They must be looking for something because they’ve been staring into that abyss for quite a while:

Standing there looking into the abyss, Agenda in hand, humming D-Ream's: 'Things can only get better'

"Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmmhhm..."

They get a bit jolly on the chorus, singing, shuffling feet.

"Things can only get better, they can only get better..."
Left foot to right foot and clap – proper school disco dancing.

Unless it was Metropolitan Police School Disco then even the white kids tried to dance better to get a certificate – the black kids used to think that if you produced it the police couldn’t search you in Hackney – bet that lady that got smacked in the mouth at G20 protest wished she’d danced harder!...but I digress.

Everyone’s happy, smiling, looking at ‘The Agenda’

It seems to glow,
Gordon’s not so bad, Tony was wonderful…
Alistair Darling remembers part of the verse,
"I sometimes lose myself in me, I lose track of time…”
People slow, watching, listening,
“…and I can’t see the woods for the trees…”
Sparkle gone from their eyes, clapping stops.
“…you set them alight, burn the bridges as you go, I'm too weak to fight ya. I've got my personal hell to deal with…”
Alistair looks around.
The joy gone.
All looking back into that abyss.

Field commented, “Harold Wilson asserted that the Labour party was a moral crusade or it was nothing. The McBride affair has left Labour members looking at nothing. That is the reality check that McBride has wrought on the party. McBride thought he was doing his master's bidding – he wouldn't have done it otherwise.”

Complete bullshit about it being a moral crusade; but wanted to leave this bit about Harold Wilson – you’ll see why later, but don’t get your hopes up, it might not be that funny.

One of Gordon Brown's closest allies today rejected claims that the prime minister was to blame for creating a culture in which his aides felt free to smear opponents.

In an interview on BBC Radio 4's Today programme, Ed Balls, the children's secretary, said all political parties had indulged in negative briefing in recent years and politicians now had a duty to "clean this up".

One of Brown’s closest allies is called Ed Balls. Not Ed Ball. Ed Balls! Childish I know but I'm only writing this blog because his name makes me laugh and there were so many innuendos in the articles I read.

Balls and McBride have both been members of Brown’s inner circle whilst working with the Treasury.

Now back to Harold Wilson. Wilson was plagued with strikes during his time in office. The most damaging of which, after his 1966 re-election, was a six week strike by the National Union of Seamen. Who was in it? The Captain of the Bird's Eye Ship?

If Balls had been in Wilson’s inner circle:

How would he have coped with the seamen?
Would Balls have advocated smearing the Seamen or would he have tried to keep them happy?

The mind boggles!

Barack vs Brown

Barack Obama 'too tired' to give proper welcome to Gordon Brown
Source: www.telegraph.co.uk

Barack Obama’s offhand approach to Gordon Brown's Washington visit last week came about because the president was facing exhaustion over America's economic crisis and is unable to focus on foreign affairs, the Sunday Telegraph has been told.

This is great..."Mr Brown handed over carefully selected gifts, including a pen holder made from the wood of a warship that helped stamp out the slave trade - a sister ship of the vessel from which timbers were taken to build Mr Obama’s Oval Office desk. Mr Obama’s gift in return, a collection of Hollywood film DVDs that could have been bought from any high street store, looked like the kind of thing the White House might hand out to the visiting head of a minor African state."

Hmmm, I wonder if the DVDs can even play on UK machines..."

Thing is if someone gave me a wooden pen holder I wouldn't be too happy. I'd rather have the DVDs. I can hold my own pen thank you very much!

I wonder if the pen holder attaches to the table and comes with a chain you can attach to your pen to stop people stealing it. Now that would be useful. Bit like they have in the banks!

Why the hell do they need to give each other presents the whole time? Especially when there's a recession!

Brown probably turned up with a big bag of boxes and Obama was like:
"Fuck, he's brought presents. Do we have anything? what did the Israeli's give us?"
"Matzo meal and gherkins Mr President?"
"Fuck, what about the Italians?"
"Salami"
"Swedes?"
"Porn DVDs"
"Not giving them that. Any other DVDs?"
"We've got the ones that the Governor of California sent you Mr President. Box Set, Commando, Predator, Conan the Barbarian and Hercules in New York!"
"Great re-wrap them and give them to the fat Scottish twat. Which country is he in charge of anyway?"

Little did I know that our beloved leader Gordon Brown has only one eye that works properly...no 3-D movies please Mr President!

American Rapper - Flo Rida

This fella's reall name is Tramar Dillard. His single, "Low," featuring T-Pain, broke digital sales records last year, selling 467,000 downloads in its first week.

Fantastic!

Now, if you're gonna be a big rap star and you've got a shitty name like Tramar Dillard why the hell are you going to change it to a girls name? Flo!

Flo Rida...far kin el!

I guess he's just lucky he didn't come from any of these places:

Bastard (Norway)
Brown Willy (Cornwall,UK)
Climax (Colorado, USA)
Dikshit (India)
Dildo (Newfoundland, Canada)
Fuku (Shensi, China)
Fukum (Yemen)
Intercourse (Pennsylvania, USA)
Lickey End (West Midlands, UK)
Little Dix Village (West Indies)
Sexmoan (Luzon, Philippines)
Tittybong (Australia)
Twatt (Orkney, UK)

Can you imagine the new collaboration between Ice T and Titty Bong? or Nas and Twatt? or Tupac and Fukum?

CNN - Crap News Network?

I'm having a trawl around the internet at various websites to find out what's happening in the real world - well the real world of entertainment. The following is a report from the CNN website about 'House'. That wonderful medical show with Hugh Laurie in it.

Have a read of the article before I make my comments:

LOS ANGELES, California (CNN) -- When Dr. Lawrence Kutner killed himself on the latest episode of "House: MD," it was the beginning of a new career for actor Kal Penn.

The demise of Penn's character cleared the way for the actor to move on to another "House," the White House.

Penn, 31, will be an associate director for the Obama administration's Office of Public Liaison.
"It seemed like something I would enjoy doing," Penn said. "I figured it was something to do."

He's not retiring from acting, just pursuing a longtime desire for public service that was rekindled when he campaigned for Barack Obama's election, Penn said.

Penn played a teen terrorist on Fox's "24" before joining the network's "House" two years ago. He's also known as Kumar Patel in the "Harold & Kumar" movie series. The White House job likely ends his Kumar roles, he said. In fact, he will not consider any acting jobs until he leaves the Obama administration, he said.

Penn will take a big pay cut to work for the government, but he has committed to at least one or two years in the job, he said.

His focus will be as a liaison for the arts community and the Asian-American community, he said. He filled a similar role in the Obama presidential campaign, he said.

"We want to make sure that everyone's concerns are heard and they are familiar with the president's plans and proposals," he said.

Penn said he spoke briefly with Obama after the election about "trying to find the right fit" for him in the administration.

He said he has bittersweet emotions as he leaves Hollywood to search for an apartment in Washington next week.

The writers' decision to have Dr. Kutner commit suicide ensures Penn will not return to the show, although he said he leaves on good terms.

He felt "more than a little bit of shock and loss" to learn that his character would die in his final episode.

Even though he spoke no lines in the episode - and only his legs are seen when his body is found - he was on the set for the filming, he said.

Interesting change of career for the actor.

Now as some of you know I'm a primary school teacher currently working with 7-8 year olds. We do a lot of work on synonyms to make our writing sound a little bit more interesting. So it worried me when I read the article as it had, and correct me if I'm wrong, 12 "he said" or "Penn said". That's about 1 every 2 lines.

I'm surprised it doesn't include a lot of "Then he went to the whitehouse" "Then he spoke to the President" "Then he decided to quit." with a few letters written back the front.

Come on CNN surely you can invest in a thesaurus for your writers/editors.

Spray for 'six times longer' sex

A spray can help men with premature ejaculation problems prolong the length of time they have sex by six times.

Men who used the treatment five minutes before having intercourse extended their love-making from half a minute to almost four minutes, trials showed.

The spray, developed at the Royal Victoria Hospital in Belfast, contains local anaesthetics that numb the penis. Bit like sitting on your arm until it goes numb before you have a wank?

Lead researcher Professor Wallace Dinsmore said: "Premature ejaculation can be a very distressing condition for men and can cause distress, frustration and make them avoid sexual intimacy." (it's only distressing as we feel we're not going to get to have sex again)

Paula Hall, a counsellor for Relate, said: "This might particularly help men who have problems with premature ejaculation related to anxiety."

Quite interesting really. Not that I need a spray, I mean I'm happy with my minute - which can sometimes be 2 minutes depending on how slowly I walk to the bedroom.

Are you really going to be less anxious with your partner if you have to excuse yourself 5 minutes before hand and spray yourself?
Is it a bit like going to the dentist and having a filling? They inject you and make you sit in the waiting area. Then call you in poke your mouth and ask if you can feel anything.

Plus if your cock is numb how exactly are you going to enjoy it?

"Oh baby is that good for you?"
"Er, yeh I think so. Does it still feel hard to you?"

Plus what happens when he goes for a piss after sex is it still numb?

Australian canine castaway found

A pet dog which was washed overboard and believed drowned has been found four months later - as a castaway on a remote Australian island.

Sophie Tucker - named after the famous US entertainer (you know that famous entertainer born in Russia in 1884, did the film Honky Tonk in 1929) - vanished as Jan and Dave Griffith sailed through stormy waters off Queensland last November.

But unknown to her grieving owners, the plucky dog survived a long swim across shark-infested waters to an island. There she lived on a diet of baby goats until being found by visiting rangers.

The Griffiths were amazed to hear of the discovery and have now been reunited with their pet.

"She surprised us all," said Jan Griffith. "She was a house dog and look what she's done, she wriggled her way out of the sack, has swum over five nautical miles, she has managed to live off the land all on her own. We wish she could talk, we truly do."

Let us recap:
-Dog on boat
-Dog falls in water (bit about the sack probably not true)
-Dog swims 5miles through shark infested water
-Dog builds shelter
-Dog eats baby goats
-Dog finds footprint
-Dog sees man and calls him Friday (wait, wait getting mixed up)
-Dog survives for 4 months before being returned to owners
-Owners are amazed that she survived, however, they still "...wish she could talk".

Delusional or just watching too much That's Life? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DrX-Yv8gLB8

Oldest woman in the world - 115 years old!

The world's oldest known living person has celebrated her 115th birthday.

Gertrude Baines was honoured at a convalescent hospital in Los Angeles with music, a letter from President Barack Obama, and a cake with candles.

Friends sang to her and she was presented with a certificate from Guinness World Records.

She looked around and said, "Who are you all? get the fuck out of my house!"

The woman is 115 years old. One hundred and fifteen years old, born in the 19th century. Quite an achievement; a truly remarkable achievement. She's lived through the Great War, the depression, the second world war, the civil rights movement, the moon landings, the invention of the mass produced automobile, TV, air travel etc.

How does she get to celebrate this momentous day? With and I quote "some music, a letter from the President and a cake!"

Really pushed the boat out for her then!

Some-sex marriages

Now that I'm home spending a lot of time watching the TV etc I've decided it was about time that somebody addressed the issue of some-sex marriages.


Just to give you a bit of history on the topic:

The Netherlands was the first modern nation to legalize some-sex marriage in 2001. Some-sex marriages are also legal in Belgium, Spain, Canada, South Africa, Norway and Sweden. In Nepal, their authorization has been judicially mandated but not yet legislated. In the United States, couples can marry in Massachusetts, Connecticut and Iowa, but their some-sex unions are not recognized nationally. From June 2008 until November 2008, California also authorized some-sex marriages, until voters enacted Proposition 8, which banned some-sex marriage.


What exactly is the world coming to when we have to have laws like this. It should be a right for everyone that decides to get married to be allowed some-sex. I take my hat off to these countries and states that have decided to legalise some-sex marriages and to put an end to a history of prejudice in which married couples were not allowed to have sex.


I think everyone should be allowed to become involved in some-sex marriages. Without them we will have a world of illegitimate children, born out of wedlock. Is this what we really want? Countries full of bastards? I mean having a parliament full of them is hard enough!

Blog One - April 09

So this is the first, and possibly only, installment of my blog.

I'm going to use it as a forum to vent about anything and everything in life. So if you have a topic you'd like my learned opinion on then please be sure to let me know.

As some of you may know I've been living in Brunei now since August 08 and have been transported around by Sarah absolutely everywhere. Apart from one time when we rowed and I had to take 2 buses home - not something I'd recommend doing more than once (the bus ride that is). I thought it was about time I got my own transportation.

I picked up my 49.5cc (not even 50cc) scooter on Friday at about 9am and by 9.20am was sprawled out on the tarmac after some eejit (gonna try and keep the swearing to a minimum...to start with) turned left when he shouldn't have. Obviously after 9months in the country I have a firm grasp of the local lingo and proceeded to explain to him in my best Behasa Melayu (Malay) the error of his ways. Before I explain in further detail I would like to explain a few of the words

tidak - no
kiri - left

Eejit from car: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't see, I didn't see.
Me on tarmac: tidak kiri, you fucking idiot. Tidak kiri, tidak kiri you prick!

Pretty impressed with myself really. 9months in and I can already deal with a road traffic accident.